Bullets and Change

It has finally hit me.

I am going to Uganda.

After months of talking about going to Uganda, the moment has finally come for me to actually go. I am terrified. I am terrified because, like the sound of a fired bullet, the realization has hit my senses that I will never be the same again after what is heading my way actually hits me.

I am going on a trip halfway across the world to a strange land, with people I don’t know very well, to learn more about the Ugandan church, and to make a documentary– a task I am only now learning, three days before we leave.

As we are only mere hours away from lifting off to fly to Uganda, time is just flying as I triple check my bag to make sure that I have everything that I need. I am checking my mind to see that my sanity is still there and that this is not just part of a dramatic Hollywood movie. I am mentally “preparing” (as much as one can prepare for a trip like this) for what I might experience. I don’t have very specific expectations for this trip only because I want to be open to whatever I experience there. I just know that I will be changed.

I am only human. When the bullet finally hits me, blood and guts will fly. I am only reading about the history of Uganda and the church’s role in it and my heart breaks. I cannot imagine what it will feel like when I get there and meet people who fully understand the experience. But in being blown away, I’m sure it will hurt.

After this present phase of terror and the initial shock, an expectation that  that I have for myself is that I do something with the experience. That I am so marked and changed by it that I come back dying to share it with other people. I do not want this to be a failed trip in that I do not share it with other people. In this sense, I am grateful that we are making a documentary. As a generally soft spoken person, it’s useful for me to use such visual aids to convey certain experiences.

I’ve heard it said “it is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” I hope to view this encounter with an openness that will allow me to forever be changed and to never forget.

Let the bullet fly. 

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